Notes From The Underground: Time To Redecorate

In Billy’s latest Notes From The Underground he talks about his latest challenge: to “spruce up” the office.

Following is Billy’s list of the things he’s decided he needs to get:

1. Couches
“I know Knight Industries got us all ‘orthopedically designed and scientifically tested desk chairs for optimal efficiency over prolonged stationary activity,’ but, c’mon… I just want something, you know… COMFORTABLE. (and I think ‘stationary activity’ is a total oxymoron)

2. New Foosball Table
“Obviously. Yeah, I know we already have one. But for complete foosiness, you should replace your foosball table every 16 to 18 months. It’s a fact.”

3. Liquid Nitrogen
“In a subterranean lair that has everything, it’s the one thing we never had enough of. At least, we never had enough to make ice cream with it. The key to making good ice cream is in the crystallization process. The faster you can get the ingredients to crystallize, the more flavorful and smoother the ice cream will taste. If I use liquid nitrogen as the coolant, it’ll crystallize almost instantly, creating… perfect ice cream.”

4. Fireman’s Pole
“Why? ‘Cause it’s that fastest way to get from point A to point B. And because I hate stairs. Ever since my football injury back in the day, stairs have been a bit of a pain for me. Yes, I said football injury. I was playing Madden ’98 on the original Playstation when I slammed my knee into a coffee table during a victory celebration gone horribly awry. Just one question: where does a non-firefighter buy one?”

If you can think of any other essentials that Billy might have missed, get over there and tell him at:

Notes From the Underground: Time To Redecorate

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